Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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