Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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