I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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