not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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