Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
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You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
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Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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