i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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