I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize