I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
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It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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