Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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