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thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Randomize
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