Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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