Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it was like eating out sand paper
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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