so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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