I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
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Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
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Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
All the doctor said was why
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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