You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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