i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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