Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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