And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize