hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
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Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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