How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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