Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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