hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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