i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
