Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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