Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
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she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
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I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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