I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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