Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
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Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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