I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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