I wish I could punch you in the face.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize