Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize