Soap is not a condiment
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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