What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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