i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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