I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize