i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I didn't notice because vodka
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize