Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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