come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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