She said her name was "party"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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