Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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