and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
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I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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