He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
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