I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize