Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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