Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
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New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
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Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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