The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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