you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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