Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
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So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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