It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
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I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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