this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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