First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize