please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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